Saturday, February 17, 2007

I am not sure what I feel...

I recently found out that one of my friends is pregnant. (Congratulations Jennie!) She is having twins. I don't evny her that, but I think I am jealous that she is pregnant. WHAT? Where did that come from? If any of you were around me when I was pregnant, you know it was NOT a pleasant situation. I was sick for 38 weeks straight. I had morning sickness at the hospital. Then there were the daily shots in the tummy. Overall, I HATED being pregnant. HATED it. Hated everything about it. When K would kick me, I would get sick to my stomach. Are you getting the sense that I didn't enjoy being pregnant? I remember being at my OB's office for one of my twice weekly non stress test. She walked in to check the monitor and I busted out crying and BEGGED her to send me the hospital and induce me. I was only 36 weeks and she was not doing to grant my request no matter how much I begged and pleaded. I know by the end of my pregnancy, she was ready for me to done too. Hollye = not a good patient. It is not something I would every willingly do again. Right??? I mean, the outcome was amazing. I've got this beautiful, funny little munchkin running around my house calling me "Hawee" and giving me sloppy kisses whenever she gets the urge. I can't even describe the feeling I get when someone tells me that she looks just like me. (Even though I think she looks like Brian.)

I am not sure what I am feeling. I need to sit down and have a long talk with myself about it. Brian just tells me that he will be happy with whatever I want. And I know that is true. He loves K like crazy. And she is a handful. Then there is whole doctor "you shouldn't have another baby" thing I need to deal with. The oncologist said no more. Guess I need to do some research on that. Then there is the whole heart issue. Some of you may or may not know this. K is not my first child. My first child, Jonah had a heart defect that was not compatible with life. And even though K does not have anything wrong with her heart, the defect is hereditary and the chances that another child would have it actually go up after you have one heart healthy child. When I was doing the research on Jonah's condition, I came across families that had more than one child with a heart defect. And not minor ones. Major life threatening conditions.

Lots of things that need to be considered. And before anyone says "all pregnancies are different", my pregnancy with Jonah was just as bad as K's, but without the shots.

Okay...I am off. All my scrappy Tennessee friends are hanging out at J's and I am jealous. I am gonna go scrapbook with my dogs for company. Pity Party for one!

7 comments:

Michelle Woods said...

Hollye we missed you Friday night. You were making us laugh even though you were not there! You know how you know what every store in a hundred mile radius has, what isle it is on and how many days it has been on the shelf. We are so ready for you to come back home!!!

I am sorry that you are stuggling with more important issues and I wish I had some words of wisdom. Just know that we are all thinking about you and miss you!

Jan[n] said...

Oh sweetie....so understandable that you feel the way you do. You love being a Mommy and are a good one. Another child would be blessed to have you and Brian as parents. All I can say is "seek God -- ask that His will be done," and try and listen to what His direction is. There are no easy answers...and sometimes the answers are harder than the questions -- but He doesn't mind us asking Him. He loves His children coming to them with their hurts, fears, confusions and questions. His desire is for you to be at peace with the path of your life. Know that I will be praying for you and for Brian. ((((HUGS))))

Chelle said...

I feel the need to comment. I really don't have anything to say, except I will pray for you. I'm sorry you are dealing with these emotions.

{J-La} aka: Jill Gross-LaFaye said...

Even though we {Mommies} have a yucky pregnancy..it sure doesn't stop us from wanting another sweet little angel. There is a lot to think about here..also keep in mind that Miss K is completely healthy..Dr's can be wrong..I don't know if I shared this with anyone..but..I was told that Mattie had Downs Syn..and the Ultrasound Dr. brought up the "options". That made me angry..I firmly explained that I would take whatever God gave me..that it is still a gift..perfect or not! Rrr..Doctor's think they are God..ya know. So anyhoo..in this case they were WRONG. Just pray about it..research..and do what makes Hollye smile..because that is what is important. Miss You! Big Giant Tennessee HUGS!!!

{change in plans} said...

Hollye,
I know you will come to the right decision! My door is always welcome for help with the babies....that may just help you change your mind!
Big hugs, girlfriend,
Jennie

TracieClaiborne said...

If it makes you feel any better - anytime I hear about someone being pregnant, I feel a bit jealous too. I get the "baby urge" for a few days but then it passes. I had a horrible pregnancy too and I know for sure I would never do it again. I just don't think my body could take it. Also...think about how your life would change. Having one child is so easy. You can do so much more with one child and it is so much less stress. I'm just a one-kid kinda girl I guess. Also...just because I love you and feel like I can tell you this...remember how much frustration you went through with K at times when she was smaller and how much easier she is now. I'm loving mine at 6. I don't want to go back through all the stages. Just think it all through carefully and know that I love you and will listen anytime you need someone to talk to.

TracieClaiborne said...
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