I'm bringing the blog back....

I know I said that once before, but I am serious this time. I've taken a break from facebook because of drama, but I really need an outlet to "record" stuff. So, the blog it is!!!

Heartbroken

I sit here at 12:19 in the morning heartbroken. One of my dear friends and neighbor, lost her husband tonight. Very unexpected. The week of Christmas he went to the hospital and they thought he had bronchitics. Turns out, he had stage 4 esophageal cancer. On the 12th, he was told by the doctor's that they would not recommend chemo because he was too weak and said that it was time to call in hospice. That was YESTERDAY. Today, he's gone.

We had bunco this evening. After bunco, I came home and just hung out in the living room. About 10:40ish, I heard a truck with a large engine pull up in front of my house. I'm on a dead end street, so when I hear things like that, I always look. I saw flashing lights and I knew they were headed to my neighbor's house. I called two other friends and we stood outside to see if they were going to transport him or what was going on. We were able to talk to her before they left for the hospital. When I walked back in the house, Brian was getting ready to head out to check on me and I just started bawling. At that point, we just knew he was having problems breathing and blood pressure was bottoming out.

My heart is broken for my friend. Her husband is no longer in pain, but her pain is just beginning. She's the sweetest person ever and if there was anyway I could take away her pain, I would do so.

I'm going to hug my husband and thank God for bringing him into my life. I'm thankful for every minute I have with him. I know I would be devastated if something were to happen to him.

Please say a prayer for my friend Sheila.

Blog ya later....

Wow....

I can not believe that it is almost the end of the year. I'm having a hard time getting into Christmas again this year. I think that has a lot to do with how my whole holiday season starts out to begin with. Spending time with family is sometimes hard on me. There are a lot of times when I feel as if I am just an inlaw and not really one of the family. My Thanksgiving was a little rough. Some rude comments were made to me and after years of just smiling and laughing about it, I'd had enough and I blew up. I told Brian that I think next year we should have Thanksgiving at home! I really think that is part of my holiday "blahs". It is what it is. But I will say that that whole situation made me very thankful for the wonderful relationship that I have with my brother's wife, Jennifer. To me, she's my sister, not my sister-in-law. If we ever have the chance to move back to Texas, I would jump on it in a heartbeat. Even if it was back to the Dallas area. At least I would only be about 4 hours away from my family instead of 12. I miss my niece and nephews. I want K to be able to play with them more than a couple of times a year. Crap. Now I'm homesick.

I honestly can't wait for Christmas to be over and done with. I like the new year. It's like starting over with a clean slate. I've got a lot of things I want to work on changing this year. This last year I've struggle with depression quite a bit and it has affected a lot of things in my life. I've let a lot of things suffer because of it and I need to work on fixing that. I know that I am a good parent, but I know that I've probably not done as much with K as I should have this past year. I probably should have stopped working at the beginning of the summer, but I didn't. I regret it.

This year isn't going to be a year full of resolutions for me. It's going to be a year of change. It has to be. I can't keep on this path that I've been on. It's not healthy for me, Brian or Kennedy. It affects all of us, but I think in the long run it will affect Kennedy the most and I need to make sure that doesn't happen. The LAST thing I want is for her to be in therapy when she's in her 30's talking about how much resentment she has for her mother. I've been there...done the therapy. I don't want that to be the situation with my relationship with Kennedy. When she is older, I want her to remember what a wonderful childhood she had and how much she was loved by both of her parents. I think that is the main reason I push myself so hard to be a "super mom". It's not because I am trying to be "that mom". It's because it is so very important for my daughter to be able to look back and say, "wow....my mom is awesome." I don't have those memories. That was NOT my childhood. Oy. I could go on and on.

I'm not sure what direction this blog will take next year. I know that it's most def. going to be a lot more positive!

Well....it's almost 1am here and I just made a very long list of all the things that need to be done tomorrow. I'm honestly not sure I will be able to do all of it! Oh well. I've got to try! I want to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day just hanging out with Brian and Kennedy and getting ready for our trip to Texas.

Merry Christmas!

Blog ya later...most likely in 2011!

It is hot in here to you?

So, I have a Hate-Hate relationship with our thermostat. I always manage to screw it up without Brian specifically tell me how to set it. With the weather as crazy as it has been, the house is either cold in the morning or hot in the evenings...all depends on how it was previously set. Last night I was cooking and baking and I was sweating. I had to be at a Girl Scout council meeting at 6, so I was trying to get everything done and I was going to end up smelling like spaghetti sauce and sweat! ARG! So, I checked the temp in the house and it was 77 degrees. That's not comfortable when you have all four burners going and the oven is baking at 450 degrees. Anyway, later that evening, I was telling Brian a couple of different things while I was driving home and I was asking him about something I saw on TV where you could control the temp in your house by your phone. I know I saw it. Did anyone else see it? I know I'm not crazy. I'm sure it's something that cost thousands of dollars to install in your house. Anyway. I told him we needed to do something about the thermostat and didn't they make one that would automatically switch from heat to cool. Apparently, no such animals exsist that he is aware of. I'm sure that SOMEONE makes something like that. See...I hate messing with it. When I touch it, it seems to instantly be 90 degrees in the house when I wanted it to be like 68. And when I want it to be warm, we end up wearing coats after I've messed with it. And what's with the on/off/fan setting. What's the fan for? Back to the story... Brian tells me just to change it when it gets too hot. I tell him I hate messing with it because it never sets right for me. I forgot to mention...it's digital. Then my industrial engineer husband offers to write job instructions for me. He used the "technical term" that he apparently uses at work when he writes these for the workers. I called him an ass and hung up on him. Maybe I will just refuse to cook due to the heat and he will invent a thermostat that does what I want it to do. Then we would be rich and I could hire a cook and she could worry about the heat downstairs in the kitchen. Sounds like a plan, huh?

Blog ya later.

Getting back to blogging....

I've decided I need to get back to blogging. I haven't been keeping a journal, so I use my blog to look back and remember stuff. Oops. Didn't do too good this past year. The past 6 months have been BUSY in our house and new things have happened. Change in jobs, vacations, new piano lessons, wedding, new pets, no job... And by far the biggest change in our house....my baby, my tiny little baby that I prayed everynight to God to send to me, turned FIVE and started kindergarten. I can't believe it. I feel like just last week Brian and I were freaking out over the thought of actually leaving the hospital with her and being alone and in charge of her...ALONE. Scariest time of my life, but also, the most exciting. This morning she asked me about the scar on my tummy. She asked me if that was where she came from. (just a side note....she's obsessed with weddings and having babies right now.) I told her yes, it was from when she was in my tummy. She asked me if it hurt. I told her that it didn't hurt, but even if it did hurt, it would only be a little. Then I explained to her that the "hurt" would have been all worth it. She asked me why and I told her because when it was all done, I had a beautiful baby. She had this huge smile on her face...."You had me!" It still amazes me every day when I look at her....that child grew in my body. She's the best part of me and the best part of Brian.

So, I 'm back to blogging. I'm going to try and post a couple of times a week. I'm hoping that if I get back to blogging, that will inspire me to get my camera out more often. I've really been BAD about not taking photos for the past year. I'm really disappointed in myself over that.

Okay...I've got to run. K is at school and I have a couple of errands to run before I pick her up. Tons going on this week and not enough time in the day to complete everything that needs to be completed!

Blog ya later!

OUCH!

Okay...I promise I am going to get back to blogging....one of these days. Just trying to get into the groove of Miss K being in school. I will blog about that more later this week. But right now.....OUCH! I had some moles removed on Friday. I've had a couple removed over the years, but this time I had seven removed. Yes...SEVEN. In the past, I guess I never really paid attention to how the whole procedure went. But I do know that I've never had stitches after having them removed. Heck, I'm 38 years old and I've never had stitches other than when I had my c-section. I am currently sporting 8 stitches. Three in one area and 5 in another. OUCH! It freaking HURTS! I've got to go back in two weeks and have them removed. OUCH! And four of the moles are in my "bra" area, so that makes it hurt even more. Because you KNOW I can NOT go without a bra. That would just be ummm...not right.

OUCH!!! And to think....I was irritated that he woudln't remove more than seven at a time.

Blog ya later!

Hello Blog. Oh how I've missed you....

Lots of things going on this summer. We've been so busy that we aren't even going to be able to make our summer trip to Texas. I am so bummed. We normally spend the 4th at my dad's house cooking out and watching fireworks. They were all together...without us. Makes me sad. We were lucky to be able to join our neighbors for a cook out and some fireworks. We had a great time, but I dearly miss my family.

I am going to try and get back to blogging. I've really missed it. We are leaving for vacation Saturday. A VERY last minute trip to Disney. We are going with my bff, Joann and her family. We are really looking forward to it. This week is going to be a busy one! When we get back, K's birthday party will be the following week. Even though we are doing a Build-A-Bear party, there are still some cute things I want to make for the party. Cupcake wrappers, cupcake picks, centerpiece for the table, and some cute party favors. I waited until the last minute to order the invites, so they will not be in until Wednesday. I'll have to get them printed Wednesday and drop them in the mail on Thursday! We are doing K's party a bit different this year. Last year she had a HUGE party. This year....10 friends. All girls. She's changed her invite list a couple of times. I am going to sit her down Tuesday evening and have her make a final decision. That ought to be fun!

I hope that this is the start of regular blogging again.

Blog ya later!